It’s Thursday morning. Diane and Erin continue to sleep as I welcome in yet another sunrise. Man, I’m tired. My eyes are burning from fatigue. Though I’d love nothing more than to sleep through the morning, my body won’t allow it. Whether fighting back nightmares or just restless with unspent energy, we’re all finding it [...]
I can’t believe it’s already September. While, for us, it feels like we’re walking through quick sand, the time seems to be passing by. We draw some parcel of relief from routine; at the same time, routine is the pest that leads us so quickly towards another tomorrow. The routine we’ve sculpted from all this chaos [...]
A few weeks ago, a lady in a trendy Subaru honked her horn and belted “go back to Oklahoma” as I turned into a 7-11. Apparently, my pausing for an oncoming car had irritated her. In hindsight, I suppose I should have taken a card from her “me first” play book and rammed my way [...]
Mom just opened her eyes. Though she was back to her old self this weekend, she’s unfortunately taken a turn for the worse, and has been in a deep sleep since Sunday afternoon. She’s opened her eyes only a handful of times since noon. We’re not sure what’s going on – her blood, urine, and [...]
(Written June 21)
Through birth, life, death, burial, the means are provided, nothing is scanted,
Through angers, losses, ambition, ignorance, ennui, what you are picks its way.
- Walt Whitman
Before coming to Denver, D and I took a drive out in the country like old times. It was just near sunset as we traveled back into town, [...]
It’s interesting how quickly things can change. How once unbending priorities can fall into obscurity, and little notes in the margin take center stage. We’ve all had to adapt to cancer and none more so than mom and Craig. In what many would consider their prime, they’ve had to adjust to a new normal, setting [...]
I’m still not sure what’s considered appropriate behavior when dealing with cancer. There’s an unspoken rule when receiving cancer care and that is, kind smiles and casual chit-chat are fine, but save the in depth prying for haircuts and other social events. Conversations are a little sensitive, especially when you don’t know the other person’s prognosis. [...]
The conversation started innocently enough: just another discussion about cocaine and whether there’s such a thing as an addictive personality. How we stumbled on the broader discussion of how one acquires a “personality” is a bit puzzling, but then again, puzzling conversations with weird segues are standard for the Lawlers. Take last night, for instance. [...]
I’m typing as mom watches the Price is Right. She’s sipping a cup of decaf and waiting for Erin to arrive for our morning/afternoon transport to Craig. I’ve been meaning to write for the past six days but haven’t found the time. Since arriving in Denver, it’s been non-stop fiddling. We’ve etched out the slightest [...]
I’ve been meaning to write for days now, but feel so absolutely scatterbrained that I thought I’d spare us the convoluted post. I feel scatterbrained partly because our life is scatterbrained. I whirled in from Denver late Friday after one the most intense days of my life. The humdrum of the long drive offered some [...]